for a frightening moment

.when I was a child
.they told me
.I had a hole in my heart

..this frightened me

.but they told me
.go easy on it
.don’t strain it too much
.and you’ll be fine
.you’ll be ok

.and so
.I took it to heart
.through childhood
.through adolescence
.into my current phase
.whenever I have pushed
.my heart to near
.maximum
.and something jostles it from
.regular rhythm
.something sets it to
.excited spasm

………………….a misstep, a deep breath, a collision

.I stop
……for fear
.it might completely
…………burst open

.I withdraw
……………to a place away
.find a flat patch of ground
.on which to lay
.and wait
.for it to return
.to comfortable
.silent
.beats

.and I am fine
……………………..I am ok
.I am just fine
……………………..I am ok
.always be fine
……………………..always ok

.still
.then
.I think
.how nice it was
.to feel this heart
.for a frightening moment
..as it flubbed
..and raced
.within me
..abandoning
..all diastole
.giving its all
.just as I was giving
.my all

.but safer now
.back to quiet
………………muffled
………………….solitary
…………………….murmurs

©JEREMY RUZICH

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